She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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