The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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