genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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