he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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