i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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