I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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