it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize