Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize