Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize