Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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