There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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