My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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