I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize