Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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