Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
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My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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