i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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