This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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