You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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