I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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