you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
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I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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