I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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