I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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