I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize