I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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