Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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