On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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