All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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