I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
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so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
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Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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