But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
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New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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