yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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