I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So squirting runs in the family.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
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Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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