So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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