dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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