She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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