You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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