On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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