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I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
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