Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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