I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize