mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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