Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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