I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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