nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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