Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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