just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize