i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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