As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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