i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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