exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize