She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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